Remote Sanity
by DerrangedBlonde
Summary: (cowritten with Shokorayasha!)A very powerful item has fallen into the possession of two derranged, yaoi-obessed fangirls. They now have the ability to manipulate anime and Kouga and Inuyasha aren't enjoying it too much! But something goes wrong andtwo ne
1. Fixing Things

**Remote Sanity**

**Part one: Fixing things**

A breeze rustled the thick trees in the forest named for the half demon within it. His amber eyes shot daggers across the clearing at a certain raven-haired foe. He cracked his knuckles threateningly, a growl rising up from his heaving chest. "I TOLD you to stay away from her, WOLF." He spat the last word out as if it were filth.

Kouga grinned viciously, clenching his fist. "What're you going to do about it? A half-breed like you doesn't stand a chance against me. Kagome's mine..." He narrowed his harsh blue eyes and pulled his fist back, letting out a war cry as he charged at the half-demon in front of him.

Inuyasha jumped up and to the side, barely missing the wolf demon's attack. He landed lightly on his feet, smirking. "Keh. Is that all you got, wimp? HIJIN KETSUSOU (Blades of Blood)!" he cried, digging his sharp, demonic nails into the muscled flesh of his chest and flinging crimson blades at his enemy. "I'd never let someone like you near Kagome!"

Kouga smirked, leaping up into the air. "I don't think I could let someone as masochistic as you be in her presence." He kicked himself into high-speed and delivered a round-kick to Inuyasha's chest.

Inuyasha flew back, smacking hard into a tree. He didn't allow himself a yelp of pain. He would not show weakness to such a cretin. "Big words for such a little man!" He leapt over to Kouga, unsheathing Tetsusaiga and bringing it in front of him. It glinted in the dappled light. "You're a burden. KAZE NO KIZU!"

Kouga's eyes widened in shock for a split second and then he tried to dodge it. The attempt was mostly unsuccessful and it tore the flesh on his left arm and leg, making it hard for the wolf demon to move. "I will not be beaten by an insolent mutt." He ground out. "Drop your sword and fight like a real man, unless that is, you don't think you can win using your own fists to protect you!" Kouga growled and charged Inuyasha again with renewed vigor.

The half-demon smirk confidently. "Even better." He sheathed the fang and threw it to the ground with a clang. He delivered a swift blow to Kouga's face with his clenched, white-knuckled fist. "You asked for it!" He brought his left clawed hand down upon the wolf and left four bloody gashes in the wolf demon's flesh.

The youkai wasn't at all deterred by the hanyou's attack. Rather, he found it sufficient fuel for his hatred and energy. He grabbed Inuyasha's arm and wrenched it to the side and then behind him. Kouga laughed from behind the hanyou into his ear. "Gotcha." And then he kicked the back of his knee as hard as he could, causing the half-demon to fall to the ground.

Inuyasha's legs buckled. He yelped to himself. He would only falter momentarily. As soon as his knees hit the ground, he spin around, punching Kouga hard in the stomach, hopping up as he did. He jumped over the demon, making sure to kick him hard in the face. He landed behind him, chuckling maliciously to himself. "Give it up, wolf, before you get yourself killed."

Kouga growled feebly, having the wind knocked from him. He spat at Inuyasha's face. "I'll never submit to a pathetic excuse for a bastard mutt like you."

Inuyasha's upper lip twitched. "Keh. You'll regret ever stepping FOOT near Kagome!" And with that, he lunged forward, bent on killing the wolf, and not intending to stop until he did.

DB was on the edge of her seat, watching the drama unfold. "NO! Kouga!" She wasn't going to let he favoritest bishie get killed by her oh, say 15th favoritest bishie. So, she grabbed her handy dandy "You can control anime too!" remote control and did something that she thought would be beneficial for everyone... especially her. She grabbed the Yaoi switch and pointed it at Inuyasha, turning the dial up to "Mild Attraction" and then did the same to Kouga. "There!" She said triumphantly, turning to her friend and partner in crime, Aiko. "That should fix things, right?"

Aiko grinned widely, nodding eagerly. "I think it'll more than FIX things..." She giggled fangirlishly and began watching once more...


	2. Falling in love with the enemy

Remote Sanity

Part two: Falling in love...With the enemy...

Inuyasha stopped in his tracks, just inches away from sealing Kouga's fate. He looked at his claws, poised for the kill, and dropped his arms to his sides, confused. 'Was I really going to kill him?!' he though incredulously. How could he ever do something so horrid to something so...beautiful...?

'Beautiful?!' his mind shouted. 'BEAUTIFUL?!!? Look at yourself! This is KOUGA. Now let's get to it!' But he couldn't. His arms felt like lead weights, his knees quavered, and his palms began to sweat. He felt heat rising in his cheeks.

Kouga felt differently, like something clicked in his head. He'd closed his eyes as Inuyasha charged and now he opened them since the final blow hadn't come. He put a hand to his forehead and then looked around, spotting Inuyasha hovering over him. There was a pained look on the hanyou's face as he stood there with claws poised. Kouga felt his heart leap. He smiled wistfully.

The little voice of reason inside his head felt Kouga's heart flutter. "GAH! Kill him! He's holding back! Kill him NOW! NOW DAMN YOU!" And when Kouga didn't move, the disembodied voice went on a rampage...well as much of a rampage as a disembodied voice possibly could, anyway.

Inuyasha reached forward, extending a hand to help the grounded youkai up. "Are...are you all right, Kouga?"

His conscience flared up in anger. 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU BLITHERING IDIOT?! If I'm not mistaken...the sweaty palms, the racing heartbeat. This is how you feel with Ka--Oh my GOD...you're in...UGH!'

Kouga blushed like a schoolgirl and took Inuyasha's hand, smiling bashfully. He glanced at Inuyasha and then sharply looked away, his face resembling the color of someone with a really, really bad sunburn or a tomato...whichever. "Um... I-uh...I'm fine thanks..." And that was pretty far from the truth, seeing as how the wolf youkai was torn up.

"What is wrong with you?! HE'S THE ONE WHO HURT YOU! Sic him! Come on!!! Snap outta it!" The voice whined.

Inuyasha clucked concernedly. He inhaled sharply and bit his lower lip. "Just look at you...I...can't believe I did this to you! We need to get you patched up right away!" The dog hanyou took off his shirt and undershirt and began tearing off pieces of fabric to cover the wounds. His bare chest was glistening with sweat from the earlier battle, and he panted from lingering exhaustion. He wrapped up one of Kouga's legs. "This will help."

The inner voice screamed at him. 'HELP?! Argh! He's your enemy! GET HIM! Kick him while he's down!! C'mon! Come oooon!' it begged. But the pleads fell upon deaf ears, as Inuyasha continued to bandage up his newfound crush.

Kouga caught sight of the Inu's sculpted chest and quickly wiped away at the drool forming. "Um no... Inuyasha really you don't have to-" And he winced when the hanyou hit a sore spot.

The voice growled. 'You had better not let him help you! KICK HIM IN THE FACE! COME ON! Bite him! ...Wait! DON'T BITE HIM!' At this point, it really didn't matter what the voice was saying because Kouga's attention was lost in the amber depths of Inuyasha's eyes.

Every time Inuyasha gingerly wrapped one of Kouga's toned arms, or his rippling chest, he would blush harder, gulping down his embarrassment like medicine. He leaned closer to wrap a bandage fully around the youkai's middle. Suddenly, he realized they were chest-to-chest, and his lips were mere inches away from those soft, lovely lips he longed to taste.

'NOOO! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!' cried the voice in desperation. 'You can't do this to me!!' But Inuyasha disregarded the begging. He slowed the movement of his hands around the wolf demon's body, prolonging their physical contact.

Kouga batted his eyelashes and sighed. "Inuyasha..." His whispered softly but couldn't carry out with the kiss because his voice of reason wouldn't let him.

DB's bucket was nearly filled with drool (she kept it around just in case) as the two bishies were so close to kissing. "KISS HIM!" She shouted at the TV.

"DAMNIT! Ok! Time for more intervention!" Db snatched up the remote and switched the dial from mild attraction to all-consuming love. "KISS HIM!!!!" She shouted, pointing the remote at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha, for reasons beyond his control, couldn't handle his output of hormones. He passionately, yet gently, grasped each of Kouga's shoulders and thrust himself into a soft, tender kiss with the youkai. Their lips interlocked, and Inuyasha could feel himself working his hand around the other man's waist.

'OH, THAT'S IT!' shouted the agitated voice of Inuyasha subconscious. He was FURIOUS. This was HIS body, and HIS rules. Just WHAT was going on?!

Kouga's hand went up to Inuyasha's face, his thumb stroking the hanyou's cheek tenderly as he was pulled into the all-consuming love he suspiciously felt all of a sudden. Oh well! He didn't particularly mind.

The voice in his head, however, was retching up his nonexistent intestines due to the horrific happenings to what once was his own body.

Inuyasha progressively deepened the kiss between himself and the wolf demon, pushing his body closer to Kouga's in a somewhat domineering way ( :D). He wrapped his arm tighter around Kouga's waist.

'FOR THE LOVE OF...' the voice in his head reacted, bursting with rage. 'Enough is ENOUGH!' He decided to take matters into his own hands. 'Hey, get your body offa mine!' he commanded the wolf demon's conscience.

Meanwhile, Aiko and her ADD were growing somewhat bored, regardless of the shounen-ai ensuing. She wiped the drool off her chin and looked deviously at Db, plotting. "Oh Db..." She readied for the pounce.

Kouga's voice of reason paused in the emptying of its non-existent stomach to shriek like a 5-year-old girl and run about in circles. "My mind is haunted! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Then he tripped and fell on his nonexistent face and that's when it hit him, "Hey! What the hell are you doing here?!" The voice shouted, jumping to his "feet" and facing in the direction he supposed Inuyasha's voice would be in. "Shouldn't you be pulling that filthy mutt offa me?! HE'S THE ONE ON TOP AFTER ALL!" and then he shuddered once the perverted thoughts kicked in.

Back in the lair of the two fangirls, Db was mindlessly watching the yaoi-ness unfold on the screen. Her eyes were tearing up. "IT'S SO BEAUTIF-AH!" She cried as she found herself being tackled by her ADD-infected friend.

Inuyasha's head-voice narrowed his nonexistent eyes at the other invisible entity, growing more and more angry by the minute. 'UGH! I don't care!' he screamed. 'I can't seem to take control of him! It's as if something ELSE is controlling him! So it's up to you, wimp!' He snorted arrogantly. 'Do some work for a change. That stupid wolf certainly needs it.'

'You're one to talk! At least he can realize it when he wants someone! And I can tell ya now, he's never wanted that flea-riddled, short-tempered, arrogant, ignorant bastard of a mutt!!!" The voice then frowned...'Well until a few seconds ago at least. Ewwww.' And with that he proceeded to shudder and try really hard not to retch up his "organs" again at the thought of what Inuyasha was planning to do to his body.

'Hmph,' Inuyasha's conscience huffed. 'Well at least he knows who's boss,' he declared, as if it were declaration-worthy. He walked back and forth...or did as much walking as a disembodied voice could. 'Now if I can't control my body...and you can't control yours...' He made a pensive "face". 'You don't suppose...?'

'What? That two crazy fan-girls have gotten a hold of something that can drastically alter this world as we know it?' He frowned at his shockingly accurate guess and then said, 'NAH! That's impossible. Inventions like that don't exist...right?'


	3. Losing The Control

Remote Sanity

Part three: Losing the control

The two girls slid across the floor, smashing the remote and all its buttons in the process. Aiko tumbled off, hitting the wall and somersaulting to a halt about 2 minutes later. She grinned at her disgruntled friend, who was obviously mad about missing a second of the yaoi goodness. They exchanged glances, realizing that a button on the remote was flashing red.

"Um...this...can't be good...." DB said wearily as she leaned over the remote to see exactly what buttons had been pushed. "Um.... Yeah this REALLY isn't going to be good..." Db motions for Aiko to come see.

Aiko scratched her head in curiosity, walking over to Db. "What? What is it?" She was still disoriented from all the tumbling.

Inuyasha's head-voice looked annoyed. Oh, you get the point. 'Yeah,' he said incredulously, 'THAT'S it.'

Kouga's head voice was just about to retort, because that was the Kouga-esque thing to do in this situation, when something happened. Suddenly! (because that's how these things work, mind you) He wasn't in the world of dark anymore! And... he had... a body!

(DB: And man was it a fine one )

Inuyasha's conscience immediately felt himself being pulled from behind...but where? Suddenly, a blinding light enveloped him. He was disoriented for a moment, until the light leveled out, and he blinked. "Wait a minute..." He jumped back. He felt his lips move when he said that. HE HAD LIPS! (Beautiful, glorious lips! drool) He looked up and saw a body to fit the voice with which he had just been arguing. He raised an eyebrow. "Nice package," he said with a scoff, gesturing to the naked man in front of him, hardly noticing his own nudity.

Kouga's conscience snorted and folded his arms over his muscled torso. "You're one to talk." He childishly stuck his tongue out, because now he had one and could do that!

Not four feet away, DB's eyes went really, really, REALLY big and her face turned a color red not even found on our spectrum. She tried to speak but all that came out was mindless, whispered babble and more drool than a human could possibly produce under any normal circumstances.

You could see where Inuyasha got his arrogance. "Hmph. Mine's nothing to hide, so there!" He folded his arms across his chest, snubbing his nose at the other man. He paused for a second, then turned to the two furiously blushing girls. "Er...nonetheless...do you think you could get us some pants?" He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

Aiko nodded dumbly, her eyes unblinking. She headed off to get some pants, managing to somehow side step into Db. "Y-yeah...pants," she murmured. She scrambled up to find some trousers.

DB tried to get to her feet to follow but was finding it increasingly hard with two glorious bishies wearing their b-day suits. 'Get it together!' Her own conscience yelled at her. "Okay... okay!" She murmured and scrambled up, with the remote of course, and went with Aiko. Once she was alone with the other girl, the full effect of what was happening sank in. "AIKO! Do you realize what's happened and what we're capable of?!" She grinned mischievously. "WE CAN BRING BISHIES TO THIS WORLD! NEKKID BISHIES!" Then she proceeded to make a face that looked like this OO before doing her happy dance.

Kouga's conscience was looking around the room when he heard the word "nekkid!" shouted really loudly. He turned to the other bishie in the room and frowned worriedly. "Um... I don't really think it's safe here.... Wherever here is..." Then his eyes caught sight of the hard-to-miss big-screen TV and he twitched.

Aiko grinned and squealed joyously. "I know!!!" She giggled to herself, grabbing two pairs of conveniently placed pants (imagine that!!). She pouted. "Unfortunately, we have to fix the whole 'nekkid' thing. Stupid technicalities..."

Meanwhile, Inuyasha's voice of reason looked around in awe, his usual haughty disposition being replaced by one of childish enthusiasm. He stepped up to the monitor, putting his hands against the screen, surprised, as he expected to fall right through. He was about to continue examining the room, when his eyes fell on the subject of the video: His body against that stupid wolf's. His eyes narrowed with determination, as he clenched his fists and turned to the other head-voice. "Does it really matter WHERE we are? All that matters is that we need to keep THOSE," he pointed to the two bishies in the screen, who, by this point were making out, "empty shells off of each other!" He folded his arms across his chest. "Don't you agree, uh..." He suddenly realized that neither of them had an actual NAME to call his own. After all, it would be confusing to just use the names Kouga and Inuyasha, right?

At that particular moment, DB ushered Aiko into the room. Upon seeing the nekkid bishies once again, the fan girls froze. Db was the first one to shake off the stunned sensation, because, well.... She had to! She WAS the eviler of the two and villains can't be caught unawares. "Ahem..." She grinned, shoving Aiko forward with the pants. "Here. Pants..." Unfortunately, though she was able to move, the stunning-ness of the handsome bishies was making it hard for her to speak in full sentences.

The embodiment of Kouga's conscience jerked his attention away from the TV to look at the two girls. He grabbed a pair of pants and put them on gratefully. "Um thanks..." He said to the blonde because she was currently the only one with the power of speech.

Aiko cleared her throat meekly, blushing and stammering. "H...here...y..y-you go." She handed a pair of jeans to Inuyasha's incarnated head-voice.

He bowed and accepted them, then proceeded to ogle at the fly. "What in the world...?" Finally, after much, tiring deliberation, he slipped them on with surprising ease and was now clothed. Needless to say, this made the girls less than happy, but definitely half as blushy. He cleared his throat in a dignified manner. "Excuse me, but do you think you could, perhaps, tell us how to get back home...and maybe explain to us why our bodies...er...former bodies, are suddenly lusting after one another?"

Aiko's eyes grew large. "Wow. You're much more polite than Inu," she mused, poking his arm.

He looked mildly annoyed. "I AM 'Inu', as you call him. I have no control over the maturity part of the brain, let me tell you..." He muttered under his breath. "Wench."

Db chuckled in that evil, plotting way of hers. She looked at the other bishie. "And you must be Kouga's then? You don't really look like him..." She tilted her head and looked him over again, suppressing the loud squeak demanding to leave her throat. This bishie had shoulder length blue hair and shockingly ice blue eyes.

"Well...that's not my fault!" He frowned cutely and folded his arms. And then he covered his ears as the high-pitched squeak escaped from the blonde girl. "Damn wohman!"

She grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry...you...er... it's an impulse..." Then she frowned. "Do you guys have names?"

Aiko continued to poke the bishounen in the arm, until he lightly brushed her hand away. He sighed at her obnoxiousness, and brushed his short brown hair out of his familiar golden eyes. It fell back in soft, springy spikes that leaned forward persistently. He looked up pensively. "No, as a matter of fact, we don't have names," he said in an exasperated tone, as if he were being doggedly (xD) interrogated. "At least I don't. Figments don't NEED names."

Db chuckled again. "You aren't figments anymore now..."Db smiled not unlike the way Miroku did before he groped someone and inched towards the blue-haired bishie. "So! You need names! I'mma call you Kisho! Cause I can!" She giggled an eerie high-pitched giggle, which many bishies had heard after losing their clothing. "This is just like naming pets!"

Kisho took a step back and hid behind Inu's conscience. "I've heard that laugh before.... She scares me...." He whispered to the other bishounen.

Inuyasha's voice of reason scoffed at the pitiful-looking Kisho. "Keh. She's merely a little girl, Kisho," he said arrogantly. "After all, who'd..."

He was cut off by a quiet humming sound. it grew louder and louder. The bishie looked down to find that it was coming from Aiko. All of a sudden, a loud, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" emitted from her throat, as she clamped her arms around the man's bare middle. She looked up at him with happily shimmering eyes. "Fun fun fun!!! I'll name you....Yukio!" She rubbed her head on him like a cat, refusing to let go. Horrified, Inuyasha's conscience, with the air of a woman escaping a mouse by standing on a kitchen chair, nodded vigorously. "A-a-all right, all right! Yukio's fine. Just get offa me!!!"

"All right," he whispered back, as the girl skipped over to Db. "So maybe you DID have a point."

Kisho nodded. "Um... we should really be getting back to..."He shuddered in disgust as he pointed over at the big screen. "Our bodies.... Damn! I didn't know I could bend that way.... Ugh... oh ew..." He ducked his head behind Yukio's back.

DB leaned over to Aiko and whispered, "I think we should see if the remote still works on them..." as her fingers itched towards the yaoi button. "Oo! Or even better" She giggled as her finger hovered over the "instant hetero-romance" button.

Aiko nodded eagerly, then sighed a wistful sigh. "Ahh...That would be just lovely!" She grinned widely.

Yukio averted his eyes from the screen, blushing at the odd contortions his body was performing. His attentions switched to the girls. He noticed they held something in their hands, and they were staring at it quite intently. Maybe a bit TOO intently... He blinked. "You don't think...maybe that's what they used to get us in this mess!" He stalked over to the girls, Kisho in tow. "Ladies, just WHAT are you doing, if you don't mind my asking?"

Aiko's grin vanished, as she pushed the remote behind herself and Db. "Oh...nothing...sir." She beamed suspiciously at him.

"You know, Yukio, we DO have names...I'm DB and this is Aiko." She beamed in the same suspicious was as Aiko did. "Um... would you guys like anything to drink?" She asked in a desperate attempt to divert their attention.

"Oh! I would like some uh- OW!" He winced as Yukio elbowed him in the side.

Yukio blinked. "All right, Aiko and DB. No. We don't need anything to drink, thank you." He practically growled the last part at Kisho, who flinched. "But I would like to see what it is you're holding." He gave a bishilicious stare to entice the impressionable Aiko to give him the remote.

She squirmed. She twitched. She tried to look away, but to no avail. Her eyes got shimmery as she offered the remote up to the once-bodiless man. "Yes, I WILL MARRY YOU!"

Yukio accepted the device as he raised an eyebrow, examining it.

DB slapped her forehead and snatched the device viciously out of his hands. "That would be ours, thank you. Hmph... no respect for other people's stuff... that's Inuyasha, alright..." She glared at Aiko and shoved the drooling, star-struck fangirl over. "Whose side are you on?!?!" She ground out.

Aiko fell the to floor with a CRASH! and was shaken, quite rudely I might add, from her dreamy stupor. She frowned up at DB. "Geez... Always with the violence...Tell me you wouldn't give anything to a face like that?!" She got up, dusting her bum off and rubbing her back. "That hurt, ya know!"

Yukio looked semi-annoyed, as he usually did, and scowled to DB. "What exactly IS that thing, might I ask?" He beckoned Kisho over, knowing that he would have more of an effect on DB. He gave him a look that said, "Convince her to hand it over to us!"

"Watch and learn Aiko," Db said to Aiko, smirking, not unlike the way Naraku did before inflicting immense mental strain upon someone, and folded her arms. "But for the sake of being a diplomatic villain," she sighed, holding up the remote. "This is the remote for my TV. I didn't want you to accidentally change the channel 'cause I'm recording that." She grinned slyly, gesturing over to the TV and the happenings on the screen.

Kisho narrowed his eyes and leaned towards Yukio. "I think she's hiding something....What about you?"

A vein throbbed in Yukio's forehead, as he cuffed Kisho soundly on the head, quite reminiscent of how Inuyasha conked Shippou numerous times. He hissed under his breath, "Of COURSE she's hiding something you moron! That's OBVIOUSLY the contraption she used to make our bodies do those," he shuddered at this point, "HORRIBLE things...We've got to get a hold of it..."

Kisho nodded firmly and left the shelter of Yukio's shoulder, making Db grin, which signified danger. The bishie then proceeded to hide behind Yukio once more. "She...really scares- OW! Damnit!" he winced as Yukio knocked him hard upside the head again." OK! OK!" He went forward and folded his arms. "Tell me what you're hiding!" He said as tactlessly as Miroku trying to get a woman in bed.

Yukio stepped on Kisho's foot, and growled, "Have you no TACT?! Physical contact, not demands!" He rolled his eyes at the fumbling bishounen.

Aiko poked DB, unsure of how her friend would react. "I think he likes you," she whispered, grinning.

Db bounced around. "You think so, Aiko?!?!"

Kisho growled at Yukio and shook his fist at him before his attention was shifted to the blonde girl prancing about the room. "Oy.... What have I gotten myself into?" He cleared his throat and turned on the charm. "Hey Db..." Kisho said with an eyebrow waggle.

Db froze perfectly still as if someone pushed pause with the remote and then a squeal erupted from her throat which caused everyone in the room, 'cept Aiko 'cause she was used to it, to wince.

Kisho gulped and took a step forward, smiling his best dazzling smile. "How about letting me see that remote? Hmm? I'd really love it if you handed it over..."

That ruined the stupor he'd put Db in. She glared at him and took a step back. "No!"

Kisho shouted a war cry ( "GIMME!") and then tackled the fan girl to the ground, pinning her.

Db gave him an eyebrow waggle. "Kinky!"

The bishie groaned and did something incredibly desperate, which Yukio probably wouldn't let him live down.... He kissed her. "'Least it put her into a paralysis..." He grumbled, taking the remote and trudging back to Yukio. "There... HAPPY!?"

Yukio smirked triumphantly. "Sure am, lover-boy." He snatched the controller from the other bishounen's hands and examined it once more.

Aiko rolled her eyes, helping her friend up from the ground. "Hmph. And you ask whose side I'M on. Psshh..." The girl sighed, looking to the lovely manifestation of Inuyasha's conscience. "All right...You can use it to go back into your original bodies, okay?" She looked up at him with puppy eyes, but to no avail; Yukio wasn't affected by dogs...after all, he was partially one himself. She continued. "But can we have it back when you're done?"

Yukio sneered incredulously, tossing the remote up and catching it swiftly in his right hand. "Hmph. Me? Go back to THAT body?! I think not! With this device...just think of the possibilities?! We'll no longer be chained to the biddings of those wretches..." He jerked his thumb toward the screen image of Inuyasha and Kouga in a VERY compromising position. "No. I think I shall keep this little... 'remote', as you call it. It should be quite useful..." He started off. "Let's go, Kisho."

"If you expect me to follow you around like a dog (shut up! I'm aware of the irony) You're crazy! I still hate you, you know!"

Db sat bolt upright once she realized she wasn't holding the remote...and she didn't look so happy...

Kisho thought she was scary when she was plotting... But now she was absolutely terrifying. "Uh...on second thought... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Out they ran, the two embodiments. Once they were far enough away, Yukio conked Kisho on the head. "Let's get one thing straight," he started, his eyes fierce. "I don't work for anybody...they work for me." He paced, spinning on his heels at every turn. "Now, I have the remote," he tightened his grip, "and that means YOU follow ME...Got it?!" He smirked. "Your only other choices are your lover-girl back there, who will most likely disembowel you, or I send you back into your old body, trapped in a fangirl's sick fantasy forEVER."


	4. Lover's Suite

Remote Sanity

Part four: Lover's suite

Back at the headquarters of...something, Aiko scowled at DB. "GREAT! You scared 'em off, Db!" She pouted.

Db twitched. "He TRICKED me! You can't blame me for that! You were going to hand it over to Yukio just cause he LOOKED at you!"

* * *

Kisho winced at the thought of having to follow someone else around and glared at his only ally. "Sleep with one eye open." He grumbled. "Um... say Mr. Brains of the Operation...where the hell are we going?"

Yukio glanced at Kisho. "We're going to Mt. Fuji...There, we can reach a farther radius... we can take over the world!" he said with a maniacal air. He was beginning to gain his own personality, separate from that of Inuyasha. "And you'd better watch your own back." He flashed a fanged grin at Kisho, then looked to the sky. "It's getting dark out...we'd better camp here for the night." He plunked down by a streetlight.

Suddenly, an elderly Japanese man walked up to streetlight, jumping at the sight of the two pretty-boys. You see, there aren't many hobos in Japan. And that's exactly what they looked like...hobos. In Japanese, he asked, "Are you two looking for a motel?"

* * *

Aiko looked at DB, quite hurt. "Well, I'm sorry I can't attract the bishies..." She looked toward where they had exited. "I s'pose we should follow them?"

Db got to her feet and dusted herself off and then offered Aiko a hand up. "I think we may have another problem at the moment." She gestured at the TV. "Well.. not so much as a problem..." She said, grinning wolfishly. "But more of a responsibility.... Sides.. I'm running out of tape."

* * *

Kisho frowned in confusion. "Moe tell? Wassat?" He whispered to Yukio and was promptly smacked for no apparent reason. "DAMNIT! Don't DO that!"

Yukio smirked at Kisho. "Why? It's so fun!" he muttered. The old Japanese man, seeing the longhaired Kisho and hearing the two quarrel, smiled warmly and nodded knowingly. "Oh...you two must be newly-wed lovers! Right down the street is a nice motel. You go get yourselves a nice cozy suite and have fun!" Before either bishounen could remark, the crosswalk light turned to the walking man, and the old man left without another word, chuckling heartily to himself.

Yukio shook his fist at the man's back. "We're NOT lovers!" he shouted loudly, drawing stares. He blushed and dragged Kisho with him. "Let's go..." He headed down to where the old man had pointed.

* * *

Aiko gasped, horrified. "We need more tapes!!" She bit her lip anxiously, then got distracted by the yaoi on screen.

Db sighed happily watching the TV. "I don't think they're going to stop any time soon...wow... Inuyasha's pretty damn flexible...Wow..." She tilted her head to the side. "Maybe we should stop them.... For at least 5 minutes.... Or something... jeebus!"

Aiko blinked, then shook her head to snap herself out of the daze. "Yeah...I suppose we should, shouldn't we?" She grimaced. "But how? Yukio and Kisho have the remote now, remember?"

* * *

Kisho was horrified at the old man's remark. "YEAH! What he said! Oh my God..... I just agreed with you..." Then he proceeded to shudder. But his melodrama was cut short as Yukio began to drag him along. "HEY! Watch it buddy! That's my ARM you're trying to tear off!!!"

Yukio glowered at Kisho. "Shut up, you whiner!" Finally, after much dragging, the arrived at the motel's front office.

There was an overly enthusiastic young woman sitting behind the counter, smiling happily. She looked up from her typing and saw the two, smiling even wider. "May I help you?" she inquired in polite Japanese.

Yukio recognized the smile on her face, annoyed. "Look...we need a moe tell room, Miss."

She nodded vigorously, then scanned the key sets until she found the one she wanted. "Ah!" she exclaimed. "Room 69! The LOVER'S suite!" She giggled to herself, handing the fluffy pink key chain to Yukio, and giving a pair of fuzzy, leopard-print handcuffs to Kisho. "You two have fun!" she finished with a wink.

Yukio growled as she ushered them to their room. "We are NOT lov--"

"Here we are! I hope you 'enjoy' your stay!" She giggled and ran off before he could complete his sentence. He fumed, uttering obscenities under his breath as he unlocked the door to reveal a most horrid sight...

The room was tacky as all get-up. There were mirrors on the ceiling, above the circular, rotating, red satin sheet-covered bed. The walls were bright pink, and EVERYTHING, even the walls, was fuzzy. Yukio's eyes narrowed, and he mumbled more curse words.

Kisho grinned widely, taking his arm out of Yukio's lax grip. He put his hand on the other boy's shoulder. "So _lover_," Kisho said snickering, "what's the plan now?" The bishie ducked quickly before Yukio could hit him and he walked away, touching the walls. "It's so soft!" He squealed in a cutesy, very unbishie-like voice.

Yukio rolled his eyes, quite annoyed. "You make me sick," he muttered under his breath, advancing to a bright pink vanity desk and taking a piece of motel stationery. "We plan, of course," he said matter-of-factly. He opened a drawer in the desk, searching for a writing utensil. Unfortunately, what he found weren't pens. A box of condoms lay in the drawer, and, though he didn't know what they were or what they were for, he sensed that it was something embarrassing. Well...that, and it had a very graphic picture on the front of the box...

Finally, he found a pen. He began scribbling on the paper, planning how to get to Mt. Fuji. He let out a huge yawn, and set the pen down, rubbing his eyes. "Well, it IS rather late, so I suppose we'll have rest and think about it in the morning..." He walked over to the red satin bed, approaching it warily. He quirked an eyebrow. "Er...there's only one bed..."

* * *

Aiko walked over the to huge screen, after pacing for some time, thinking about how they would get the intertwined bishies in Sengoku Jidai to the present...and into reality. They were, after all, anime characters. She sighed. "It's HOPELESS!" She leaned against the big screen in dismay. Much to her surprise, she fell right through. "GAAH!" she shrieked, falling backward onto the soft green grass of Inuyasha's forest. She clambered to her feet, looking back at Db in the lair. Db looked just as puzzled as Aiko felt, and, feeling pressed for an answer, Aiko shrugged and said uncertainly, "Plothole?"

"Whatever works..." Said Db. The blonde, not being one to question when awesome things happen, stepped through the big screen as well. "Just like Alice in Wonderla- aaaaaaaah...."And then she proceeded to drool excessively at the up-close yaoi between the two bishies.

* * *

Kisho looked at Yukio and then at the bed. "Um... riiiight.... DIBS!" He shouted and then jumped on the bed. "And nothing can destroy the universal law of Dibs! So proclaims the- OW! Damnit!!!! DON'T HIT ME!"

Yukio's upper lip twitched. He pushed Kisho lightly and the hyped-up bishounen quickly slid over the edge of the satin-covered bed, falling to floor with a THUMP. The cocky once dog demon smirked and pulled the covers up, stepping carefully into bed. He snuggled into the covers and made a cute little doggy noise, smiling happily. "Oyasumi, idiot," he called to Kisho.

* * *

Aiko grinned stupidly at the wondrous sight before them. She sighed dreamily. "Oh Db! Do we HAVE to tear it apart?!" She gave her friend a whimpering puppy look, as her lower lip trembled. "Do we...?"

Db snapped back to her old self and sighed heavily. "We must... Though it pains me so!" She put the back of her hand to her forehead in a very dramatic way and then paused. "The question is..." She tilted her head sideways, quirking an eyebrow. "Uh...how?"

* * *

Kisho growled and snatched a pillow and proceeded to whack Yukio over the head with it. "Loser..." he grumbled, and slipped into the same bed, stealing all the covers and shoving Yukio over. He then grinned happily until WHAM! a pillow was brought down on his head. "DAMNIT! GAH!"

Yukio growled menacingly, smacking Kisho upside the head numerous times with the surprisingly hard pillow. SMACKSMACKSMACKSMACK!.....SMACK! "ARGH!" he grumbled, stealing back the covers, his happy mood vanishing. "Hmph. Fine. You can sleep in the bed too...Just don't take the covers, and most importantly...TELL NO ONE OF THIS!" He laid his head back down on the pillow and closed his eyes, facing the opposite direction of Kisho.

Kisho grumbled and took some of the covers. He snickered, "Nighty night lov-OW!" He grabbed the pillow and was about to whack Yukio for whacking him but he found the bishie still asleep. "Weenie..." He grumbled and laid back down, not wanting to wake Yukio up cause....uh... cause he'd get the crap pummeled outta him if he did! Yeah... it most certainly wasn't 'cause the violence-prone bishie was cute when he was sleeping... never!


	5. Female Body Inspector

Remote Sanity

Part five: Female body inspector

Aiko scratched her head. "Hmm...Uh....um...." She again became distracted by the shounen-ai. She shook her head violently. "NONONONONO!" She turned around stubbornly and faced a nearby tree, sitting cross-legged. "Ah...much better...Relatively speaking," she mumbled to herself. After a couple of minutes, and a lot of pain and suffering on Aiko's part, mind you (...what with the thinking and all...), she suddenly hopped up, enlightened. Unfortunately, she hit a low-hanging branch on the way up, and fell right back to the ground. "OWIE!!!" She rubbed the new bump on her head, then regained her composure, turning to DB. "I've got it!! We'll..."

But before the girl could finish her sentence, a high-pitched scream came from behind Inuyasha and Kouga.

"OSUWARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"Well that made things a whole lot easier for us." Db said happily, grinning as she watched Kagome completely freak out. Db ducked behind some conveniently placed bushes so Kagome wouldn't spot her. The blonde chuckled and whispered to Aiko. "Jealous much?" she said, gesturing towards the bright red-faced Kagome.

If Aiko had had doggy or kitty ears, they would've drooped. She looked slightly disheartened, and kicked some dirt by her feet. "Aww man...but my plan was so good!" She sighed and ducked beside DB.

Inuyasha, who was now brushing dirt off his face and well-toned abs, sighed as he looked to the angry fuku-clad girl standing with her hands on her hips. "What did you go and do that for?!" he inquired, pulling on his pants.

Kagome's eyes widened incredulously. "Are you kidding me!?!? You and Kouga-kun were engaging in...in...UNSPEAKABLE ACTS!!" She shuddered at the memory.

Kouga blushed, slipping into his man-skirt. Inuyasha glanced at him, smiling coyly. "Who cares what me and Kouga-kun 'engage in'?"

Kagome twitched with anger. "KOUGA-_KUN_?!"

* * *

Meanwhile, night had turned to day back in the real world. The light shone in the tacky motel room, dappled by the sequined curtains. Yukio opened his eyes, and blinked to get them into focus. He felt very happy and content, because last night he had been so warm and cozy...

Finally, his eyes began working properly. He stifled a screech. No longer was he facing the wall...he was now nose-to-nose with Kisho, the other man's even breath on his face. He was hugging the blue-haired bishie much like one would hold a teddy bear. Their bare chests were pressed against each other...

"AAAAAAH!!!!!" the blush-faced bishounen shoved himself away from Kisho, underestimating his own strength and sliding off the satin-covered bed and into the door.

"AAAAAAH!!!!" Kisho shouted, simply because Yukio had done so, and sat bolt upright. "What happened?! Did the girls find us?! WHAT?!" He hopped off the bed and looked down at Yukio. "Damn your face is red..." He shrugged and brushed his hair back out of his face.

Yukio blinked and averted his eyes, growing redder. "It IS not!" he said, with a stubbornness not unlike Inuyasha's. He got up, dusting off his pants and trying to regain his self-possession. He cleared his throat. "Nothing. It was...nothing. I thought I saw one of the girls, but...uh...it was that annoying key lady. Y'know...the um...one who brought us to the room?" He chuckled nervously, then shook it off, becoming himself once more. "Keh. There's no time to talk, anyway. We've gotta get to Mt. Fuji before those girls get to us!" He rummaged through the drawers, which were conveniently stuffed with complimentary t-shirts from America. He handed one to Kisho and put one on himself. His read, "My friend went to Hooters, and all I got was this stupid T-shirt!" and Kisho's read, "Female Body Inspector". He turned to the door abruptly, blushing as he caught sight of the bed. "One more thing. Next moe tell we go to, we get TWO beds...."

Kisho looked at the bed and then back to Yukio and shrugged. A sly grin overcame his features as he snaked past Yukio to the door. "Whatever you say, lover!" He smirked and ducked out before Yukio could hit him, shutting the door and holding it thusly while Yukio pounded on it. "Good times...good times."

* * *

Kouga giggled and draped his arm over Inuyasha's shoulder, grinning sheepishly at Kagome. "Yeah Kags...Mind your own business." Then he frowned. Wasn't there supposed to be an annoying voice in his head or something telling him to get away from Inuyasha? Oh well! Not like he cared.

Kagome seethed with rage. "MIND MY OWN...ARRRGH...Why I oughta..." She was about to shout the famous phrase of subjugation when Db and Aiko hopped out and pulled her behind the bush, covering her mouth.

"Don't be scared!" Aiko said, smiling in her deranged way. "We're here to help!"

Db scratched the back of her head. "Um yeah...what she said.... We're here to help them," she pointed at Kouga and Inu, who were watching DB and Aiko lazily, "get a part of their minds back... So to speak..."

Aiko snickered. "They...LOST THEIR MIND!" She found this quite hilarious, and giggled for about 5 minutes. Kagome looked annoyed. "Aaaaanywho," she continued, "Inu and Kouga lost their consciences because...um....well, that's not really important." She decided to leave the whole detail of DB and her being the cause of Kagome's admirers' love fest. Best not to anger the girl further. "Now they're running loose in our world. We need to get those two to come with us so we can reunite them and put everything back in its natural order!!" She finally took a breath.

Kagome nodded. "Stranger things HAVE happened." She looked over to the wolf and dog demons, who were gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. She nodded once again, this time more firmly. "All right. Take them. And hurry back!"

Db nodded and took hold of Kouga's arm and pulled, but he didn't budge. "Aiko! Help me out, would ya?!" She kept tugging but Kouga paid no mind, his attentions locked on Inuyasha completely.

* * *

"KISHO!!!!! LET (BANG) ME (BANG) OUT!!!!" Yukio was furious as he threw his body against the door to open it. It was no use. He couldn't get it open! What was he to do with that idiot out there wasting time? Regardless of how warm and comforting he was...WAIT! Scratch that! Ahem...anyway, Yukio sighed and paced, smoothing the back pockets of his jeans. Suddenly, he felt the remote. He grinned slyly, then pressed a couple of buttons. "Oh Kisho..."

Kisho didn't like the tone of voice that Yukio had used, and for good reason too. "Yes, o' friend of mine who wouldn't do anything mean and spiteful just because I said one little insignificant word?" He said hesitantly, still holding the door shut even though the pounding had stopped.

Yukio walked up to the door, holding brandishing the remote like a weapon. His voice took on a sugary sweet tone. "Oh...nothing...I just thought you'd like to know that I have the device...Who KNOWS what havoc I could wreak on your willpower?" He smiled to himself, then laughed. "But keh...you don't give a damn. You just want to joke around... I bet you wouldn't even notice if I..."

* * *

Aiko ran over and whispered something in Inuyasha's ear that made him perk up and run willingly into the lair, through the screen. Kouga followed suit, trailing behind his newfound lover. Aiko giggled at the looks that both Kagome and DB had given her. "Well, what're you waiting for, DB?!" She laughed maniacally and grabbed her friend's hand, dragging her into the lair. "BYE, KAGOME!" she called back to the schoolgirl.

"Ugh," Kagome said, a falling sensation in her stomach, "I hope everything works out all right..."

Db quirked an eyebrow at Aiko as they went back into their lair. "Um...what did you tell them?" She asked, jerking her thumb towards Kouga and Inuyasha. "They look awful happy..." She scratched her head.

Aiko giggled to herself, somewhat maliciously, but also quite cutely. She looked slyly at DB. "Time'll tell...time'll tell," she said, trotting off.

Db growled in frustration, secrets were not the curious blonde's friend. "ANYway..." she ground out, "Where should we begin looking for our playthi-er...escapees?" She frowned, watching Kouga intently as only a stalker could.

* * *

Kisho opened the door and peeked in. "Um... Would it help if I said I was sorry and begged for mercy?" He grinned as cutely as he could.

"Yes," Yukio said, pulling the door open, "it would, as a matter of fact." He stepped out, shoving Kisho out of the way somewhat roughly, as he trudged through the parking lot. He walked off into the sunrise, Kisho in tow, looking more determined (and sexier :3) than ever.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the motel, the happy-go-lucky key lady trotted into the lover's suite with a grin on her face. "RISE AND...shine?" She looked let down, and then took on a pondersome look. "They didn't pay their bill..."


End file.
